Sunday, October 18, 2009

"No turning back"....

“If you love somebody, set them free. If they return, they were always yours. If they don’t, they never were”.

How would you feel if you already came across the love of your life? And you messed it up already!

SMH, it was not his fault at all. He was everything I could ever want in a man. He was sexy, smart, funny, had a future and a passion for life. What more could you want in a man? (My momma always told me, be careful for what you ask for, and GOD do answer prayers “just not on your time”) Nevertheless, did I listen? NO….ugh! Am so mad at myself for letting him get always, it should be a sin to be so sexy and smart at the same time…Its even hard for me to write this blog without kicking my self or crying, just because am so mad.

The time we spend together was amazing, he smelled good we had great eye contact. He made me laugh a lot, and he ask me the one question that all females want to hear from am man (NO! not would you marry me…the other question) could I be your best friend? Now thinking back at this made me tear up a little bit. I said yes, but I guess he knew deep down how scared I was. Not only that, I was not ready yet…I mean, I wasn’t yet in love with myself and if I could not love myself, how could I love another?

We talked for hours it felt like years, when he text-ed me I was happy to see someone cared about me for a change. When he called, OMG it was GREAT! (To hear from him). You know how hard it is to have a normal convocation with a person now a days, with him it was so easy. We talked about our pass, our future, books, school the list goes on... But never the less I couldn’t help but to run, I was so sacred of getting hurt, falling to deep I was just sacred. I was lost, just because I could understand how someone so great can like me. Maybe even love me, when we were together, I felt the passion(we all most kissed, but I pulled away…I didn’t mean to, but I did). He told me everything he liked about me, he paid attention to me, and I like that… Then I let my insecurities get in the way.

But not anymore, am ready to LOVE and to be LOVED...Because I love myself and am not afraid anymore, am ready to feel passion. (I put away my running shoes, and I have on heels now and am waiting on him) Maybe it’s too late, or maybe not…I wont know until I try, its be months since we last spoken.

I e-mailed him the other day, he asked…. (Just taken it a day at a time)

It feels like there is no turning back….
Till next time…..peace /love & cookies

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Hmm, I am not the same person I was yesterday! Shy (life is too short for that), Naïve (I pay close attention to things now) Angry/hot headed (I try not to let people get to me) AM A CHANGE WOMAN. Therefore, you should get to know me before you pass any judgments on me.