Enough

“Nobody Defense Your Worth, Unless You Let Them!...” -Ashley m. Palmer

I hate not feeling good enough!

I can’t stand the fact that I am punished everyday for being smart.

I hate that am not accepted for beginning myself.

I hate the fact that I care for people, who thinks and feel am not good enough.

But I love the fact that I stop caring.

I love the fact that it doesn’t hurt my feelings anymore.

I love the fact that I care enough to let go.

I love the fact that I love ME.

I love the fact that I cry when am overwhelm with joy.

I love the fact that I notice the change in my life.

I love the fact I accept me for me.

I love the fact that I am Good Enough for Me.

“I had to be put me first, before all others...” – Ashley M. Palmer

Am sick of people using me, (for my mind/body and spirit) weather it’s a guy who wants to “chill” or a so call friends who only calls you when they want “something”. Am I given off this energy that screams its Okay use me, I’ll get over it?

No am not! Enough is Enough!

"The truth of the matter is, we're not far away from where we should be. We can complain about the problem or we can go out and solve the problem. I choose to go out and try to solve the problem."          - George Karl

It’s about 10:26 pm (in New York) and it maybe midnight by the time I finish this blog entry.  I got a lot on my mind, and sometimes it’s just better to write it down then to talk to someone who doesn’t care.

I took a vacation, not just a vacation from work but a vacation from my life. I stop texting,         e-mail you named it I’ve stopped it, for about two weeks. Just to see where I was going and who I had around me. I believe every couple months you should turn yourself off completely to understand why things are the way they are. And most important to check and see if your happy. And that is how I end up with the big question, Ashley M. Palmer are you happy?

                   If you are asking if am happy about my work, Yes. But if you asking if am happy about my personal life, then my answer will have to be Nooo1Am not happy, I hardly have friends (meaning I don’t have any to count on or talk to) and I don’t go out as much as I will like to(am not interested in going clubbing). I need a balance, between my career and life. I need to start enjoying life more.

The best way to do so is by telling yourself the truth. Which can be very hard for most people, believe it or not people only want to hear what they want to hear. But little do they know living in denial (like life is good all) gets you know where, just like living in the past or focusing on the bad things in life.

In other to live a full life, you have to know what the problem is in your own life (not who…but what) and then own it (by dealing with it) and then move forward. And give yourself the right to move forward, (A lot of us don’t forgive each other, not even our selves) so you can move on to a better life. 

Think about it!....

Til next time....Peace/Love & Cookies

Dear Sixteen

"A wise man makes his own decisions, an ignorant man follows public opinion" - (Chinese Proverbs)

Dear Sixteen,

It’s a rainy Sunday Night and a lot is going on in my mind. Thoughts of the unknown, and thinking about past events, mean while am trying to hold on to the present. This sometime could be scary because as you’re living your life, you feel as if you’re not going anywhere. But when you take a closer look at everything you have accomplish you realize you came along way.

That’s why am writing you this letter, it’s to help us figure this out. I mean at sixteen a lot is going on, your first puppy love (I wish you never fall so hard, took year’s to get over). The friends come and go all the time, as well as the trust issue you have with them (You still don’t have any idea of who your real friends are).

At twenty-two you would think you would have all the answers, life would be easy. You would be in a serious relationship (like in a good 8o’s movie). But in reality you realize you don’t even know the questions. Which isn’t a bad thing after all, I mean the unknown could be a bit scary as well as interesting and fun. Sometimes it best not to have all the answer, its better to take life as its coming one day at a time. You should still set goals and have a dream, and an idea of what direction you want to go with your life. But it’s ok, if things don’t go your way all the time, shit does happen. And it will happens to us a lot, some really bad and others make a great story.

Looking back at everything, my reason to write you is just to see what I would say to you. Trust me am not saying, life is a bed of roses or anything. Am just saying I wouldn’t change a thing, keep going in the direction your heading. And don’t take life so seriously; understand things change and people do to. And if all else fails know this "A wise man makes his own decisions, an ignorant man follows public opinion".

BE YOUR WONDERFUL SELF!

Cross Roads

"Mastering your fear means accepting it, owning it, and making it work for you instead of against you." - Rhonda Britten

Sometimes it’s hard to admit that you are afraid of something, from being afraid of the dark to being afraid of clowns. Admitting any fear could be very hard and challenging but the hardest thing for someone to admit is the fear of falling in love.

I believe I have that fear. From clowns all the way down to the “L WORD”… I DON’T KNOW WHY!(Am lying)… Yes I do, like I stated before admitting your fear could be very hard. But then again most people go threw life not realize or not caring that they have a fear of being in love. Most girls would put the blame on there absent fathers, but not I. I would never give that man, that kind of power over me and my life (not like HE cares anyways).

I would put that blame on myself. For the simple fact it’s my life, and am the only one who realized this fear. The crazies’ thing about having this kind of fear, there is no one to talk to about it. I guess some fears are best left to ones self. But then again its better to talk things out, that’s how you realize why you act the way you do. It’s just hard finding someone to listen…

What helped me address this fear is not going on dates etc… It’s paying closet attention to my actions and my feeling on some issues. As well as listening to love songs (Luther, Mariah list goes on…) and watching a lot of romance movies from The Notebook, A Walk Remember all the way down to Ghost. Believe it or not it was therapy for me.

I own my fear! Am ready to fall in love, just like anything in life it take baby steps to reach that be cross road. And when I get there am hope am ready, not only to give of myself but to give my self completely. But for I will live with the fact am IN LOVE, with my career!

"The more connections you and your lover make, not just between your bodies, but between your minds, your hearts, and your souls, the more you will strengthen the fabric of your relationship, and the more real moments you will experience together." -Barbara de Angelis

Think about it!....

Til next time....Peace/Love & Cookies